Yule Burn '10 - Chapter 3

We got back to the tree pile at around 5. It was beginning to get dark and it was raining pretty steadily, but I really wanted to give any stragglers a chance to join us.  At that point we started getting text messages - Dave the Horrible asking if there'd be anything left burning by 6 (I said no, there wouldn't. We were wet and cold and the trees would burn at 5:30). Miss Tree informed someone that Sam had just agreed to haul the 7 trees she'd found and accumulated. Still, we were in no mood to wait until who knew when for more trees to arrive, plus, as Miss Tree and Sam are both fellow Cacaphonists, it was entirely possible that the trees would never show up. Nope, 5:30 was burn time, with whatever trees and spectators where on hand at that time.

I have this propane torch that I quite like. I bought it at Harbor Freight Tools, an establishment that is notorious for very inexpensive tools (most of which are made in China) that are not particularly durable. This torch runs on a small, camping style propane torch and is made for burning things on the ground, as it's shaped kind of like a cane. It's great for torching the heads of dandelions, decimating and and termite infestations, and, especially, starting fires. I've used this torch on numerous occasions to start campfires and fires in my backyard fire pit. It emits an impressive flame and a satisfying jet-engine roar. It's usually overkill for the uses I put it to, but the theatrics are half the fun.

So I brought my torch with me to Kelly Point to help get the pile of sodden trees going. It's worked for me many times in the past, helping to ignite things that were reluctant to burn. I had picked up a fresh tank of propane for it that afternoon, and was confident that we'd be able to use it to get a good bonfire burning. Wrong. This time, the torch was not overkill - we were going to need that kind of firepower to get the now soaking wet trees to do anything more than sit there and drip.But grace under pressure is not one of the hallmarks of a Harbor Freight tool. Simply put, the torch did not function. At all. And it was dark. And raining. Rich and I, being the old guys on duty, fiddled with it and futzed with it. there was much hissing and escapage of gas from the tank as we removed it from the torch and put it back on repeatedly. We were unaware that, at the first sign of torch failure, Alan decided to simply hold his lighter in one spot on the tree pile for as long as it took to get the thing blazing.

Right about the time Rich and I had decided to give up on the torch, the tree pile took off thanks to Alan's lighter. I was surprised by the sudden blaze since I didn't know that Alan had been attempting to get is started, and even more amazed that it had worked. So amazed and surprised was I that I didn't notice the fact that I was standing next to a rapidly expanding bonfire holding a hissing, leaking bottle of propane. Rich pointed this fact out to me and I quickly tossed the propane bottle aside without further incident.

Up next: Fireworks!